My Inner Rebel: Working With Your Self-Saboteur
kay, this one's going to be vulnerable.
I am a closet self-sabotager. Like, the queen of self-sabotage. This is literally why I go to therapy consistently—because I am very good at messing up my own life.
Some of you are going to relate to this immediately. Others are going to be like, "Wait, you? Really?"
Trust me when I say: I'm excellent at it.
My superpower was actually sabotage in disguise
For most of my life, I wore chaos like a badge of honor.
Here comes Robyn to make this mess beautiful.
That was my whole identity. I'm the person who can fix anything. I'm the person who finds the silver lining. I'm the one who turns disasters into something amazing or memorable.
I would create chaos—and then I'd fix it. I'd look for perfect systems. I'd build something beautiful out of really horrific moments. And for a long time, this felt like a superpower.
It became an addiction.
That sense of aliveness when I cleaned something up. That hit of accomplishment when I made something good out of something that was actually just... not great. I couldn't let it be not great. I had to make it wonderful. Make it beautiful.
But here's what I realized.
When there wasn't a mess to clean up, my inner saboteur created one.
She just fucks shit up so she can play the familiar role of making it better.
The part that's hard to admit
This feels really vulnerable to share because it means admitting that I make messes on purpose. And I do.
Business going smoothly? Time to mess things up.
Marriage feeling stable? Let me find something to screw that up.
Kids behaving well? Let me overpack our schedule until everyone feels stressed.
I became addicted to proving I could make things good even when the situation was hard.
But what I really wanted—deep, deep down—was to be a woman who's comfortable being bored. Someone who doesn't need chaos. Someone who doesn't need a mess to clean up in order to feel valuable. In order to feel whole.
My biggest healing goal? Learning how to exist in ease without my nervous system freaking out. Without it thinking something's wrong here just because things are... peaceful.
How do I live in peace and actually be content?
That's the work.
What does YOUR saboteur do?
Your form of self-sabotage might not be creating chaos. But I want you to get curious.
Do you create drama in your relationships when things get too peaceful?
Do you overcommit the moment your schedule finally feels manageable? Like—finally you have space, and then you fill it with everything. You wanted freedom and now you're taking your own freedom away because you finally have it.
Maybe your saboteur never lets you start something because you're afraid of failure. She says, "You can't do that, girl. Let's just stay over here where it's safe."
Maybe your saboteur says, "If you put that out there, you're going to be rejected. Remember those kids from school who told you that you were weird? They're going to come out of the woodwork and tell you you're that weird girl doing that weird thing again."
Your saboteur might prevent you from using your voice. From expressing yourself. From sharing what you actually want with the world.
So where does self-sabotage show up for you?
The questions that help me catch it
Here's what I ask myself when I suspect my saboteur is running the show:
When things are going well, what's my first instinct?
For you, it might be: When I have an idea, what's my first instinct? When there's something I want to say? When I want to make more money? When I meet someone I might have a crush on?
Typically, my sabotaging voice is the first voice.
"No way. Don't say that."
"That guy's way too good for you."
"You want to create that? That's ridiculous."
The saboteur voice is the first reason why not. The reason to stay small. The reason to fuck shit up. The reason I can't, won't, shouldn't.
Learning to love the saboteur (yes, really)
Here's the thing that sounds backwards but is actually true: the saboteur is here to protect us.
My practice is learning how to love this part of myself.
I've named my self-saboteur the Rebel. Because that's how she shows up. "Let's fuck shit up. Let's get out of here. Let's mess this up just so we can clean it up—because we're most comfortable when things are messy."
And now I can say: "Okay, Rebel. Chill. Let's just see how bored we can get. Let's see how good it can get."
It might help you to name yours too. Maybe it's the Protector. The Safety Controller. Or just give her a human name. "Okay, Annie. I know you're afraid of rejection. But what if the world loves it?"
The practice is to name it. Call it out. See it for what it is.
Hey. I see you. This is my inner saboteur wanting to protect me from ______. And what my most authentic self actually wants is ______.
Then ask: If I let my saboteur make this decision, is it going to get me closer to what I really want?
The mantra that's changing everything
This is going to make me emotional.
Because my Rebel works so hard. She works so hard to make sure we have a mess to clean up. And she's so persuasive. So convincing. So certain she knows what's right for me.
I have to be so intentional. So clear on how my authentic self is different from my saboteur. So I can make decisions from that place instead.
Here's the mantra I've been leaning into. I've got it written everywhere:
Let's see how good it can get.
Every time I say this, my whole body relaxes. The truth that lives in my gut, in my heart—wherever it lives in your body—just exhales. Thank you. God, thank you. Yes. That's what I want for you.
Even though the saboteur is there to keep you safe. To hold you in a bubble where nothing can go wrong. To make sure you don't fail or get rejected or disappoint people or experience too much love that could lead to heartbreak.
Even though she's doing her job...
Your authentic self is whispering: Please. Please let me be free. Please let me experience what I'm here to experience.
Here's what I want you to know
I have not outgrown my self-sabotage. It is so present.
But I'm working with it now. I see it for what it is. It's not secretly destroying my life anymore because I'm aware of it. My practice is catching it in real time and choosing differently.
I'm not perfect at it. But I'm exploring it.
And my invitation for you is to start noticing.
When does your saboteur creep in? Can you give it a name? Can you identify the self-sabotaging action you take?
Name your saboteur. Recognize it's not actually your authentic self. And maybe try on this mantra:
Let's see how good it can get.
Say it out loud right now.
Because the goal isn't to never self-sabotage again. It's going to keep happening. It's going to show up.
The goal is to catch yourself in the act—and remember that other choices are available. To choose, maybe for the first time, the desire of that authentic self. The one that's going to lead you toward more of what you really want.
Let's see how good it can get.
Your homework
Next time you catch yourself about to mess something up, ask:
What does my saboteur want right now?
What does my authentic self actually want?
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