17 Minutes — Episode 2 Transcript
Speaker: Robyn Savage
Chapters:
00:01
02:27
04:34
06:54
08:59
11:08
13:04
15:15
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00:01
Hi friend, it's Robin and your 17 minutes starts now. Okay, so I am a closet self-sabotager. This is literally why I go to therapy consistently and regularly because I am what I think to be like the queen self-sabotager and
I know that some of you will relate to this. Some of you will be like, what, seriously? I don't think you self-sabotage, but trust me when I say, I'm very good at self-sabotaging. So for most of my life, I have worn chaos and my like knack for handling chaos well as this badge of honor. It's like, here comes Robin to make this mess beautiful.
You know, and this became my whole identity. Like, I'm this person who can like fix anything. I'm this person who will always find the silver lining. I'm this person who will help anyone get out of any situation and turn any disaster into something like amazing or memorable, right? And this was like true for my entire life. I would create chaos. I still create chaos, but like,
I fix it, right? That's what I do. I look for perfect systems. I build something or create something from these like really horrific moments. And for a long time, this was a superpower for me and it became an addiction, right? Like, I wanna clean this up. I felt this empowerment. I felt this sense of like aliveness and accomplishment every single time.
I could fix something or make something good out of something that was actually just not great. I couldn't just let it be not great. I was like, I'm gonna make this wonderful. I'm gonna make this beautiful. But here's what I realized. When there wasn't a mess to clean up, and I'm talking in past tense, but this is still very present in my life. And it feels very vulnerable to be sharing this with you because I'm...
02:27
That means that I also have to admit to you guys that, you know, I make messes on purpose to clean them up. And I do. But when there's not a mess in my life, my inner saboteur creates one, right? She just fucks shit up so that she can play this familiar role of making it better. And a lot of you, if you've never experienced this, are going to be like, my God, what is wrong with you, girl? You like make messes?
But the truth for me is that my childhood was messy and this just became my role, right? Like I said, it became my identity. Like, I'll make this better. I'll clean this up. I'll turn this into something beautiful. So I got really used to this. Business going smoothly? time to mess things up. Marriage feeling really stable? Let me find something to screw that up to.
kids behaving really well, like let me just overpack our schedule until everyone feels stressed, right? So I became sort of addicted to proving that I could make things really good even when the situation was hard. But what I really want, what I really wanted all these years, like deep, deep down, is to be a woman who's comfortable being bored.
Right? Someone who doesn't need chaos, someone who doesn't need a mess to clean up in order to feel valuable, in order to feel whole. So my personal, like biggest healing goal, and I think this is something really cool to kind of consider for yourself. You know, like the reason that I do all of this personal development work, the reason that I'm so inquisitive about myself, the reason that I'm so here, right? Having these conversations with you.
is for me that I want to learn how to exist in ease without my nervous system freaking out, without my nervous thinking, without my nervous system thinking like, something's wrong here.
04:34
You know, like how can I live in peace and actually be content? So that's my kind of story with self-sabotage in a nutshell. We are going to dive into different layers of this, you know, how I sabotage in business, how I self-sabotage in relationships, how I self-sabotage in all the ways in this podcast. This is going to be something that comes up because I know that a lot of us struggle with different forms of self-sabotage.
form of self-sabotage might not be creating chaos. But the curiosity for you is what does your inner saboteur do? Do you create drama in your relationships when things get too peaceful? Maybe. Do you overcommit when your schedule finally feels manageable? Like, now I have all this space and I will just fill it with all of the things, right? Like you wanted freedom and now you're gonna take your own freedom away because you finally have it, okay?
How does your inner saboteur show up? This might be things like never starting something because you're afraid of failure. So your saboteur actually just says like, you can't do that girl. Don't get started with that. Let's just stay over here. Right? Your saboteur may never let you leave your comfort zone to begin with. Or your saboteur might say something like, Ooh, if you put that out there, like, you know, you're going to be rejected, right?
Like, you know that no one's gonna like that. You know that all of those kids from public school who like told you that you were weird, they're gonna come out of the woodworks and tell you like, my gosh, there's that weird girl that's doing that weird thing again. So like, you better not do that, right? So your saboteur might prevent you from using your voice or expressing yourself or sharing what you want with the world. But I want you to just get curious. Like where does self-sabotage show up for you?
Now, here are some questions that help me identify when my saboteur is coming out to play. When things are going well, what's my first instinct? Okay.
06:54
For you, it might be when I have an idea.
What's my first instinct? When there's something I wanna say, what's my first instinct? When I wanna make more money, what's my first instinct? When I meet someone that I think I might have a crush on, what's my first instinct? Now typically for me, that sabotaging voice is the first voice. Like, no way. Don't say that. Or, my God.
that guy's way too good for me. Don't go over there and introduce myself. Or like, my gosh, you want to create that? That's ridiculous. So for me, the saboteur voice is the very first sort of reason why not. The reason to stay small, the reason to fuck shit up, the reason that I can't, that I won't, that I shouldn't. Okay. Now this saboteur is in so many ways here to protect us.
And I know this sounds a little bit kind of backwards, but my practice is learning how to love this saboteur. And I have named my own self-saboteur, the rebel, because that's how my self-sabotaging shows up. Like, let's fuck shit up. Like, let's get out of here. Let's mess this up just so we can clean it up. Cause we're most comfortable when things are messy. You know, I'm like, okay, rebel, chill.
Like, let's just see how bored we can get. Let's see how good it can get, right? So I've named myself Saboteur the rebel. It might be helpful for you to name your saboteur like, okay, protector, you know, all right, safety controller. I see you. You might even just want to give it a human name. I've seen a lot of people do this like, okay, Annie.
08:59
Like, chill, I know you're afraid of rejection, but what if the world loves it? So the practice is gonna be to name it, to call it out and see it like, hey, okay, I see you. This is my inner self-sabotager really wanting to blank, to protect me from blank. And what my most authentic natural self wants is to actually blank, say what I wanna say, create.
What I want to create, make a fuck ton of money or live in peace. Live a beautiful life that doesn't require a mess to be beautiful. Okay, so you want to name what it is that your most authentic self actually wants.
And then what you can ask yourself is, if I let this saboteur, so in my case, if I let the rebel make this decision, is it going to get me closer to what I really want for myself?
This is gonna make me emotional. Because my rebel works so hard. My rebel works so hard to make sure that we have a mess to clean up. And my rebel is so good at rebelling. I don't know about you guys, but my inner self-saboteur is so persuasive and so convincing and so like, yeah, I know what's right for you.
And I have to work really hard. have to be so intentional and so clear on how my authentic natural self is different, is separate from my self saboteur in order to make a decision from that place. Okay, so if my inner saboteur wasn't making this decision, what's the decision that I would make for me, for my best self, for my alter ego self, for the woman that
11:08
I'm becoming or the woman that I want to be. What's the decision that I would make? So I'm going to share a mantra with you that I've been really leaning into. I've got it written everywhere. And if this lands with you, then, you know, feel free to, to use it. my mantra is let's see how good it can get.
And every time I say this to myself, my authentic natural self, just like, I can't even explain it. It's like my whole body relaxes and like my body, like my, the truth, you know, that lives wherever it lives in your body, in your gut, in your heart, wherever is like, thank you. God, like, thank you. Let's see how good it can get. Yes. Like that's what I want for you. Right?
even though the self saboteur is there to keep you safe and protect you and to hold you in this bubble where nothing can go wrong or to make sure that you don't fail or get rejected or disappoint people or be seen as too much, you know, to, to face judgment or criticism or to experience too much love that could lead to heartbreak, right? Even though that self saboteur is there to keep you safe.
This natural, authentic self is like, please, please let me be free. Please let me experience what I'm here to experience. You know, so even as I'm having this conversation with you, my natural self is like, please, holy God of Robin, who is her truth, like, please let this be the moment that she lets it.
Get good without fucking it up.
13:04
My nervous system relaxes, right? Instead of bracing for the other shoe to drop, I actually let myself choose and receive the good thing. Instead of making it harder, I'm really starting to allow myself to see if I can make it even better, right? Not choosing the harder thing, but choosing the thing that my true authentic self wants.
So here's what I want you to know. I have not outgrown my self-sabotage. It is so present, but I'm working with it. I see it for what it is now, okay? It's not secretly destroying my life. I'm aware of it. I see it. And now my practice is catching it in real time and choosing differently. I am not perfect at it, but I'm exploring it. And an invitation for you is to start noticing.
When does your saboteur creep in? Can you give it a name? Can you identify that self-sabotaging action that you take? Okay.
Name yourself saboteur. Recognize that it's not actually your authentic self. And maybe try on this mantra. Let's see how good it can get. Say it out loud right now. Let's see how good it can get. Okay, because I think the goal is to, it's not to never self-sabotage again. It's gonna keep happening. You know, it's gonna show up.
The goal, I think, is to catch ourselves in the act of self-sabotage and to remember that we have other options, that other choices are available to us, and to hopefully keep choosing, or maybe to choose for the first time, the desire of that authentic, natural self that's gonna lead us towards more of what we really want.
15:15
All right, that's our 17 minutes for today. I love you. You've got this. We love our self saboteurs also. Thank you for protecting us. Thank you for keeping us safe. And also we are good, right? We've got this. We can handle this. All right, I'll see you next week. I love you.
