I Shared My Grief Publicly and It Cost Me Sales
Transcript
[00:01] Robyn:
Hi friends, welcome back to 17 Minutes. I'm Robyn, your host of this podcast and I'm so grateful that you're here. I'm really excited to have this conversation with you. I think this is something that a lot of us sort of question often, you know, how much of myself do I put out there? How willing to be seen am I? And what are the impacts of that—my vulnerability, my truth, my story?
So I'm going to dive right in and tell you my experience with sharing so much of my heart, my journey, my highs, my lows, my in-between moments with you on the internet. Now I've been really openly sharing since 2012, which is a really long time.
And this summer, particularly, I spent my summer really sharing my grief publicly on Instagram, to my email list. We're talking really raw, real stories, vulnerable posts, the whole thing. And this experience definitely cost me sales, cost me followers, cost me conversions. It cost me a lot in a business sense and I also gained a lot and I want to talk about sort of the pros and cons and my experience of really allowing myself to show up through this difficult season online.
And I'm not going to hold back. I'm not going to sugar coat this. I'm going to just get really real with you and tell you the exact results of sharing my grief super publicly and what the impact of that was. My biggest takeaway, I'll start there, was that building a business that actually lasts requires trust.
[02:05] Robyn:
Really strong personal brands are built on community and vulnerability is the fastest way to build connection. That's my biggest takeaway. And in a world where people are trusting less and less and less, giving yourself the opportunity to establish unbreakable, real, honest trust with your community, with real humans on the other sides of the screen, I believe is just so important. So that's my biggest takeaway—not to say that there are not cons to that because as you'll hear through this episode, there are a lot of cons. So it's definitely something to consider.
So let's start with this story. This summer was really hard for me. If you followed along, then you know. We lost Duncan's dad and two weeks later, my grams died and my grams was like my mom. I lost my mom when I was 11. So my grams just naturally kind of took on that role and played that sort of motherly figure in my life.
I'm not going to get too far into it because otherwise the tears will... you know, it'll get emotional and not that vulnerability is bad, not that I don't want to get emotional in front of you, but that's not what we're doing here today. So this grief and this loss, it completely knocked me off my feet, a hundred percent. I was not myself. I was really in a hard place. I was heartbroken, of course. Grief and loss and it all just—you can't predict it. You don't know what's going to happen to you. You don't know how you're going to move through it. You don't know how the people around you are going to move through it. And let's just say that this summer was really, really sad and challenging.
[04:28] Robyn:
And because I'm me, I shared it. I shared it publicly. I shared it vulnerably. I shared it in real time. I posted Instagram stories from the floor at my dad's house while I was navigating it, from the airplane. I wrote captions about what grief actually feels like when you're trying to run a business, when you're trying to mom, when you're trying to move through your own process and hold it all together but also let it all fall apart.
And I let you—my community, people—really into the messiest parts of my story because that's how I process, but it's also how I connect. It's how I build relationships. It's what means something. It's purpose in my life to share stories and to allow everyone to see themselves or to feel less alone or to really feel connected through storytelling.
I love stories so much. I think they are the natural bridge between people. I think it's how we learn. I think it's how we establish a sense of belonging. And above all, I think that stories give people something to connect with really quickly because feelings are so much more powerful than facts. So when you let people see your stories and when you let them feel what you're feeling, they can resonate with that feeling. They can allow their own experience to come up and come through and to also maybe be felt. And that connection is what I stand for. That's what I'm here for. So I shared because I am me.
Now here's the thing: in my behavioral science report, I am high Dominance, high Extroversion, and fast Pace. That's my behavioral wiring. So when something happens in my life, I am naturally designed—which means that my natural response to something like this is to share it out loud, to speak it, to not sit on it, not wait, but to immediately move through it, to share it, to be in connection with other people in that moment through vulnerability. I don't need to take time to sit with things privately. I need to talk about them. I need to share about them. I need to move through them by bringing people in. It's my strength. It's why so many of you are here, which I'm so freaking grateful for. And it is what fuels me and my creativity and my business and my life. So of course I posted about my grief. Of course I brought you into it. That's how I'm designed to move through the world.
[06:47] Robyn:
But here's what's important to understand—and this is where it gets a little bit interesting. Not everyone is wired like me. And that's completely natural. We're all designed differently.
So if you are someone with a different behavioral wiring than me, with a different identity report, with a different analysis—and that's what I do in my work with you—we establish how you're wired. We establish how you're built to move, to share, to show up, to connect with your audience, how to market, and then who's drawn to that. Who's magnetized to the way that you share.
[07:40] Robyn:
So if we discover that you're wired completely differently than me, then you shouldn't actually be forcing yourself to tell stories in the moment. Maybe you don't share your processes out loud. Maybe you keep things to yourself and share the high-level learnings way later on.
Your identity report, your wiring, is going to reveal something different about you. Maybe you are high in Conformity, which means that you prefer to keep clear boundaries between your personal and professional life because that feels more appropriate and more structured to you. Maybe you're lower in Extroversion, which means that you don't naturally seek that external connection through storytelling or sharing—you like to keep things private and internal first. And maybe you're low Pace, which means that you need to take time.
Because we're all wired differently, we are all going to have a way that feels and works best for us to naturally move through our lives and then share that in our work. Some of you were probably watching me this summer and thought to yourselves, “My God, I could never do that,” or “I don't even like that she's doing that. That makes me super uncomfortable.” And you know what? That's okay. You're not meant to share like me and you don't have to share like me. And honestly, none of us need to be sharing at all. We get to choose. We get to choose how much we share and how we share it.
But listen, I genuinely love to share. And I believe that the person who shares more is, in the long run, better off in business—that radical vulnerability wins. I've been talking about this for a really long time: be you. Show the human. Let them see the journey. If you share what you're moving through, how you move through it, what you learned as a result of that thing, then your audience can connect deeply to you. They can see you actually doing the work rather than just talking about the work or teaching at people. It's like you're inviting them in. And this is what builds trust.
[10:03] Robyn:
Now this is my experience and this is what works for me. What I want you to really hear me say is that some of the most successful entrepreneurs I know—and you know—some of the most successful entrepreneurs that we see making millions of dollars with millions of followers, they are not building trust through vulnerability. They're building trust through consistency, through expertise, through results. A lot of entrepreneurs out there share their income regularly. They market with strategies and really valuable quick takeaways that their audience can save and share. They're not sharing their personal lives and they're building a completely different type of connection.
So this is what I want you to start to consider for yourself: How are you wired? What is your most natural way of showing up?
A lot of people in my community will look at me and be like, “God, I could never be that vulnerable, which means that I'll never be successful.” And that is absolutely not the case. What we want to do here is find how you are wired so that you can share in a way that is the most natural to you, which is going to lead to success the way that you desire to build success. You don't need to push yourself to be vulnerable. Maybe you're more aligned with that entrepreneur who shares results, who shares practical strategies, who shares super highly valuable and relevant strategies and simplifies complex ideas for your audience. And that's how you build connection. But we want to find that way that works for you.
So the question is never, “Should I be sharing more like Robyn? Should I be more vulnerable? Should I be sharing these big feelings that I have?” That's not the question. The question is: What feels authentic to me—my voice, my pace, my way of being, my communication, my energy, my way of processing?
[12:23] Robyn:
Now let me tell you what actually happened when I shared my grief this summer.
The beautiful part is this: I had really deep and meaningful connections and conversations with people. It was one of the most beautiful seasons in my business because of the vulnerability. Women sending me messages saying like, “My gosh, me too. Thank you for making me feel less alone. It's so inspiring to see you move through this grief with such power and confidence and to be able to use your voice. Thank you.”
So I built real trust with my audience. I showed up as a whole human and they were able to show up as a whole human in return. And it was so beautiful and so supportive. And even though so many of these relationships exist on the internet, I really consider so many of you friends. And the only reason that I can consider so many of you friends is because of this high level of vulnerability—this willingness to be seen.
Here's where it got hard—and this is the real radical truth. Sales slowed down, big time. My messaging got confusing—was I a grief coach now? Was I turning into a life coach or was I a branding coach? Was I selling anything? A lot of people unfollowed me. I lost almost a thousand followers as I shared my grief story over the summer and I wouldn't take it back for a second because of the trust that I built with the people who stayed.
But the truth is I wasn't showing up with clear offers. I ditched my strategy completely and that ditching of the business strategy made space for the personal vulnerability. But a lot of people feared that and just ran for the hills. Like, “I am out of here. This bitch used to teach me how to build my brand and now she's crying on the bathroom floor. I don't like this.”
[14:38] Robyn:
So I didn't make a million dollars this summer, but I feel for me that I built something way more valuable. I built trust by being myself. I built a stronger, tighter community than I've ever had before. And honestly, I weeded out the people who aren't here for the big hard conversations or who are triggered by that and can't handle that or don't want to have those conversations. They just want the strategy. They just want the business talk. And those aren't actually my soul clients. I want to be able to have the real hard, messy, true conversations of what it is like to be the human behind the business. I mean, that's what I'm here for.
What I learned—and what I'm really understanding the longer I spend in this role of being an entrepreneur—is that not every season in your business is meant for growth. Not every season will be your biggest sales season. Not everything leads to immediate revenue. Some seasons in your life and business are meant for surviving—eating buttered noodles while you cry, sitting on the driveway because the tarmac feels nice and warm on your skin, and journaling through the big hard things—and for healing and for learning and for just being a human who isn't attached to results or outcomes.
And that season will build trust with your community if you allow yourself to really be in it—and if that is in alignment with your wiring.
So it is safe to share. It is safe to be seen. And there will be this direct impact on your business. And if you're prepared for that, then I think the outcome on the other side is this community that will hold you and be with you and walk with you and shout your name from the rooftops and come to everything they can and buy everything that you offer because they know who you are. And in today's world, if you can really build that trust—if you can establish trust with your community—I think that is so much more powerful than selling strangers a $7 offer and never seeing them again.
I could really keep getting into this, but we only have 17 minutes. So I'm gonna keep going.
[16:57] Robyn:
Here's what I want you to think about this week: How do you process? Do you know how you want to share and show up online? Do you know what your natural wiring is?
I've got an Identity Report, you guys. It's $147 and honestly this will teach you everything that you don't know about yourself. So if you watch me online—if you are witnessing me sharing my stuff—and you're like, “Why does this feel so hard for me? Why can't I share like she does? Why can't I talk about these things?” Let's uncover—let's reveal—the way that you are actually meant to share. Let's dive into your own wiring so that we can actually understand, “Oh my gosh, okay. No wonder.” Here's your process for creating content that tells your story. Here's the way that you're going to communicate the lessons that you learned. Here's how you're going to break down the real depth of this story in a way that aligns with you, that still connects with people, but uses your voice and your internal dialogue and your makeup and your everything.
Because what my everything is—my voice, my processing, my energy, my style of sharing—it is not yours. And so this is what I really want all of us to understand and really own fully: your way is valid and your way will work. My way works for me. I'm sharing with you what I learned in my own process. I'm sharing why I did it and why it works for me, but there is a different way that works for you. And that's what I want to help you discover.
I want to help you build a business that honors your wiring. I don't want you to force yourself to market or to be someone you're not because you think that that's what authentic marketing is, because authentic marketing is going to look very different for you—and you, and you, and you—and me.
So just like me trying to keep everything buttoned up and safe and hidden wouldn't feel good, I'm willing to bet that there's lots of you that are like, “Man, sharing my grief journey out loud like that—getting so raw and vulnerable in public on the internet—would never feel good for me.”
[19:05] Robyn:
So when we discover your behavioral wiring, we will be able to create a content strategy, a plan for your brand voice, your marketing, and your message that actually feels authentic to you—and that's going to help you build a community that you love, a community that trusts you, and magnetizes and attracts the people that you actually want to be working with.
For me, in quick summary, this summer was a huge learning. It was a huge loss for me. Ultimately, I grew and I will learn and I will be okay from this. And there's still this giant crack in my heart and it's still hard—though I'm at a place where I can actually record podcasts and sell again and serve and lead.
So I just want you to know that moving through seasons in your life is going to impact your business. There is a way for you to move through hard seasons in your life that is right for you and that will support you in growing and building a business and a brand that actually supports you as you kind of live your life and go through these different seasons.
[21:24] Robyn:
I'm going to end it there. If any of you want to connect over this, if you have questions, if my story this summer impacted you, if you want your Identity Report, there are all the links in the show notes. You can email me and start up a conversation. You can get your Identity Report so we can actually figure out how you're wired to share, create a customized content strategy and really get you leaning into your strengths so that you can put yourself out there in a way that feels good to you and then attract those soul clients back to you to grow your brand and business.
I love you. I hope that there is something in this episode that reflected something back to you that you needed to hear. “How am I showing up? Am I being authentic to myself? Am I letting my audience in as much as I'd like to? Could I be more vulnerable? Would I like to be more vulnerable?” Right? Just get curious as always and grab your Identity Report using the link in the show notes. Let's find out how you're actually wired. Let's dive in there. Let's understand who you are and how you're wired to build the brand and business that's actually going to support you.
I love you so much. If you like this episode, please let me know. Share it with anyone in your life who's going through grief and running a business and I will see you next week on 17 Minutes. Okay. Ciao.
